Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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