Where is the hickey?
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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