I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize