I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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