i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
