Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
