The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
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