Swine flu is the new snow day.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
