so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
