I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
