she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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