When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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