I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
