You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
