She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
