I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
