i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
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