You really coming over, don't trick.
how can u be prego again
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
