okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
This is classic penis vs brain.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Randomize
