Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
