Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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