I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
