I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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