I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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