Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
