So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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