I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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