How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
