I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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