dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
