All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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