Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
