You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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