man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
