it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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