I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
