I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize