i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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