it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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