I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Will exercising make me less horny?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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