I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
