As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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