dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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