i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
