I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
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