Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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