Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
