and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
