Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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