i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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