I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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