Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
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