Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
