If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Randomize
