its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
