i can't believe i had my finger in that
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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