Please, let me fuck your mom
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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