Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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