If that was your dad, he is hot
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Are we still banned from the library?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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