it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
