He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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