gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
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