I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
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